


Soul Burns

by lionessvalenti



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-08
Updated: 2010-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-09 09:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Angelus was always there, behind his soul, in the back of his mind</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul Burns

It was easy for the people around Angel to forget that his soul was a curse. He was a better man with it, a doer of good, not evil; a creature with a conscience, capable of loving and being loved. But it was still a curse. It wasn't part of him, the way it had been when he was human. His soul ripped him to pieces. He could feel it, burning him up like the sun. It was always there, not just reminding him of his trespasses and building up the guilt and angst in his chest. His soul physically ached, thrumming throughout his body, almost the way his heart used to beat.

But that wasn't the worst part. His soul didn't replace his vampire mind. Angelus was always there, behind his soul, in the back of his mind, talking to him. Reminding him what he was missing. Mocking him for the good he had done.

_It felt so good,_ Angelus said, _to sink our teeth into the hot flesh of the innocent._

Angel tried to focus. He tried to put Angelus out of his mind, but he couldn't concentrate. It was hard, if not impossible, to get his thoughts in order when Angelus spoke to him this way.

_Remember how hard we used to get, drinking fresh blood? The kill was better than sex._

He groaned, the sensation coming back to him. He fell back onto his bed. It wasn't just Angelus in his head, telling him; Angel was experiencing it all over again. He could taste the blood. He could feel it running hot down his chin. He remembered. He felt his erection press against the front of trousers, and he opened them up, just to relieve the pressure.

_Right. The pressure._

Oh, screw you, Angel thought. He grabbed his cock.

_You. Are. Such. A. Pussy._

Angel closed his eyes tight as he jerked himself off. If he could just get this out of the way. If he could not think about it. If he could ignore the voice in his head. If he could get past this one moment in time and go back to his mission; throw himself into his work and forget about the hunt. He could forget about the warm bodies, the blood pumping out of arteries, strong at first, then slowing down as he fucked the last bit of life out of his beautiful victims.

It was exciting.

_It was magnificent._

He didn't want that, not anymore. He wanted things he couldn't have. He wanted love. He wanted something to sooth his soul.

_It still gets you off,_ Angelus said. _No matter how much you try to ignore it, the idea of sucking someone dry makes you come harder than any slayer, or seer ever could. And you love it._

Angelus didn't feel pain. He killed without remorse, and even more, he loved it. He made art from it. His murders were beautiful. He took what he wanted, and he had no regrets. Angel had nothing but regrets.

Angel could feel his soul beating against his ribcage, in his stomach; his heart. It was thrust in there unnaturally, against all laws of nature. It didn't belong there. It wanted out. It wanted to give him the freedom Angelus had, he knew it did. His soul was tired of hurting, just as much as he.

He cried out as he came, the pain flowing out of him like a river into the ocean.

The battle was over and Angelus was gone. For now. He was never really gone. He was an echo, and Angel could always hear the reverb.


End file.
